Birthing, and Motherhood as an Oracle

I'm not exactly sure of who out there in the blogosphere is reading this blog regularly, but for those who may not know, I am expecting my first child in just about 7 weeks. I've slowly but surely been transforming from a conscientious and spiritual young woman who values and attempts to define true femininity, into a fresh and new mother, sprouting life from her womb as mysteriously as the soil sprouts plants from its rich hands. I have definitely felt this new identity creeping up inside myself so slowly as to not even be noticed, and so deeply as to not be able to be articulated just yet, except for perhaps with poetry (which I'm hoping to do more of before my son is born). Anyway, I'm very much "with child" these days, and as I'm reaching the end of my pregnancy, my thoughts are turning away from diapers and nursery decor, and towards preparing for the moment of birth.

Birth seems to be a pretty daunting thing. It's a major transitional moment, a very real gateway of life, like death, only the gateway is really for my child - it's not really for me. My role in the whole process is a little more undefined. Yes, I will "officially" become a mother the moment his little body comes passing through me, but haven't I already entered into that role? I certainly feel that my role as a mother began the instant I conceived this child, and that I have taken on more of a nurturing role as he has grown inside of me and needed more and more care-taking. But it will be a dramatic and triumphant moment for him, won't it, when he flashes into the world from the dark transitional state of having incubated in my nebulous and peaceful womb? He will be born! So the question remains - just what is my role in this process? I am simply, but profoundly, the vessel through which he is passing, the gate itself, like the oracle in "The Never-ending Story" (if you haven't seen the movie, you must!).

How to be the most supportive, wise, and nurturing gate I can possibly be is something that has been brewing in the back of my mind for the past few months, and is starting to pop into the front of my mind more recently. Practically, in order to prepare for his birthing time, I've been using an at-home study program called "Hypnobabies". It's a program in self-hypnosis and deep relaxation to help this moment to naturally (ie no drugs) be a joyful and peaceful time with minimal pain. Although I found the cd recordings to be a little bit cheesy at first, I've gradually been really enjoying it. Yesterday, I listened to a recording about having a positive birthing experience, and I found myself experiencing ecstatic feelings as I felt that I was preparing the way for my baby to come through me, allowing energy to flow through me unimpeded by fear and tension. And I realized how important this skill is. It is a distinctly feminine quality, to allow life to pass through us and to hold it in a nurturing way - to play a receptive, supportive role with all of life. However, it occurs to me how important it is to allow God's spirit, the Holy Spirit, the "whole" spirit of life to flow through us all unimpeded at all times. This is the goal of religious life in virtually all cases, is it not? To walk with God, to worship and serve this Spirit at all times? To not become attached to "passions", fears, ego-built illusions, and instead to live in a more full reality? To allow this full reality to pass through us, as vessels and gateways from the spirit realm to the material world? To transform the material world in this way? What an important lesson this is! And what a joy that I get to experience this lesson in such a tangible way!

An oracle is defined in wikipedia (the ever illustrious and dependable source) as a "portal through which the gods [speak] directly to man". As a mother, I suppose it is my role to act as an oracle, allowing God's spirit, in both a Holy Spirit sense, and in a tangible sense as in the spirit and flesh of my son, to pass through me from spirit world to material world, to "allow the gods to speak directly" to humankind, to allow spirit to interact directly with flesh. I feel truly blessed to have the opportunity to serve this quiet and stoic role - to be the gate through which this new person will pass as he is initiated into human-hood, takes his first breath of this air that behaves so like spirit, yet is so ubiquitous in the material world.

What an honor to become more and more a mother. I can only pray and abandon myself to the mysterious and deep, full spirit, allowing it to flow through me as I learn how to serve in this role more accurately, more lovingly. I am sure that being a mother will be filled with these opportunities - not to grasp, control, fear for, and use, but instead to hold and guide this child with a deep, abiding, unconditional, all-embracing, and firm love as he grows and moves through the world, just as I am learning to do as he moves through my body. I pray for the wisdom and faith to do this sacred job that I've been tasked with, and that as I do it, that I would engage more deeply with God's strong, feminine spirit, and bless the world with it. Praise to mothers everywhere! And praise to our mother God, who gathers all Her children under her wings as a mother hen shelters her chicks.

"How often I have longed to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings" (Luke 13:34)